This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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