Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
