he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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