hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
