Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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