if i can run in heels then i can drive
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
