The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
