He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
