what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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