There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
