she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
should my penis look like a turkey
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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