Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
