hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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