Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
