What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
