omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
