Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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