i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
