Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize