2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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