Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
