Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
