i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
