just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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