I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
