So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
