i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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