You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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