Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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