From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
