she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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