Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
