i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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