dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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