I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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