Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
