I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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