At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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