the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
