your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
