I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
