Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
