You work out of a Hotel?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
