There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
