Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
