Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
