I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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