There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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