Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
