mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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