I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
FUCK WHALES
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
