Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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