YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
