I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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