Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
