Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
As shirtless as possible
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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