Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
